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whr

Your Honour, pppleasssssse...for God's sake

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things

> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published

> by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges

> were actually taking place...

>

>

> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

> ____________________________________

> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

> WITNESS: Yes.

> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

> WITNESS: I forget.

> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

> _____________________________________

> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

> WITNESS: My name is Susan!

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

> he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

> ____________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

> WITNESS: Yes.

> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

> WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

> WITNESS: Yes.

> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

> WITNESS: None.

> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

> WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different

> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

> WITNESS: By death.

> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

> WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

> WITNESS: Guess.

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead

> people?

> WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like

> to rephrase that?

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

> WITNESS: Oral.

> ______________________________________

> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

> WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an

> autopsy on him!

> ______________________________________

> And the best for last:

>

> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a

> pulse?

> WITNESS: No.

> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

> WITNESS: No.

> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

> WITNESS: No.

> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began

> the autopsy?

> WITNESS: No.

> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

> practicing law

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Ooooooo....I hope this doesn't happen in Singapore's court rooms :unsure:

wellllll, we never know, until we find out. But then again, will we be sued if we post them here?? :sweat:

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I had attended court a bit in my previous job. So far, no such disastrous cross examinations or questioning from counsel or the bench. :)

I have more faith in Singapore's judiciary than some other jurisdictions.

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I had attended court a bit in my previous job. So far, no such disastrous cross examinations or questioning from counsel or the bench. :)

I have more faith in Singapore's judiciary than some other jurisdictions.

haha..by reading it, it make me feel that that sort of questioning will happen in the US..Haha..

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